Dating Apps Are Weird. Here Are 25 Tips From Women On Crafting The Perfect Profile.

If you’re single in your late twenties, you’ve probably turned to dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble or Aisle by now. Often, the process becomes cyclical. This would typically include downloading them, using them, getting annoyed and then deleting them…and then repeating the full cycle all over again. 

If you’ve never taken part in this vicious cycle, you’re sure to have seen reels and memes on it on the internet. 

What ensues after you proverbially take things to the next level, is you speak to someone, shift to Instagram or WhatsApp, make plans to meet and thereafter – these are all Level 2 and above. Much before that, the crux of online dating, revolves around swiping right or left, or matching and liking, depending on which app you’re on, based on profiles shown to you. 

In this story, we’ll focus on this aspect of these apps. Regardless of whether one is using Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, Aisle or any other dating app, the problems seem to be the same. The profiles play a crucial role but can be funnily odd at times. 

And very rarely, do women even feel like swiping right, and we’ll describe to you why. 

Take for example this bizarre answer to a prompt on Hinge.

Did he confuse a dating app with LinkedIn? Is this supposed to be a flex? Does he intend to impress potential partners with job offers? 

Here’s the next person. If you can decode what he wants to communicate, you’ll have all my praise. He’s taken being “speechless” quite literally. 

Won’t lie, we spent quite a bit of time trying to decode the message. We’re guessing it hints at a coffee date followed by intimacy, but can someone please explain why there’s a teacup in between suddenly? 

Then comes the poetry. 

The effort is admirable but my gut tells me this guy has been doing a copy-paste job on all the profiles he comes across. 

If you successfully skip past all of these absurdities and match with someone, you’re greeted with more cringe than you can handle.  

What is this opener? What is this confidence? Okay, you want to take this in a sexual direction but what happened to good old conversation first?

Then they'll try to address you as "morning glory".

No, I am not morning glory, I’m quite the opposite of it early in the day on a weekday. Finding out my name is equated with finding treasure? Ugh.  

Given how difficult and frustrating this truly is, I turned to women, to try and decode what the perfect dating app profile looks like. Here’s a detailed list of dos and don’ts from them.  

Asmita Nandy, 28, Documentary Filmmaker 

1. Please don't create a literal bio-data presentation of your skills and achievements. OMG NO!

2. Please don't come up with the weirdest opening lines. Just a "hey" and maybe something related to someone's prompt works. As long as you can keep the rest of the conversation going.

3. Please don't write you're apolitical. I'll just know you're dumb. 

Sanjana Priyaranjan, 25, Public Policy Analyst - Energy & Sustainability

4. Don't post only gym pictures.

5. A wicked sense of humour will help me dive straight into bed with you.

6. Love a few candids. We like men who are nerdy, occasionally sappy, and who cry watching ‘Notting Hill’.

7. Even if you're here for sex, bruh thoda build up toh kar le. Try to engage a bit in conversation.

8. A good playlist hurts no one.

Sadhika Tiwari, 27, Journalist 

9. Don’t make the following things your entire personality —

- Coffee

- Gym 

- Travelling 

(Yeah, well, that is an apt summary of what every second profile is like, but then again, what should people post then? We feel you, it’s a difficult job)

10. I am here to look for a semblance of romance, not a resume.

11. Your profile is not a dance audition for 'Dance India Dance'. Calm down with the dancing clips man. Not everyone is the ‘pind mein phuljhadi’ guy. 

(If you don’t know who that is, you’re living under a rock, but here’s the viral choreography for you to take a look at.)

 

 

 

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Labani Mahanandy, 26, Editor

12. Please no pictures indicating sexual postures. There’s a fine line between being fun or explicit and just inappropriate/uncomfortable.  

13. Flipping the middle finger in pics isn’t attractive.

14. Neither is a profile with almost all semi-nude pics.

15. Not a single pic showing their faces is just shady. We’re already living in fear of being catfished what makes you think zero pictures showing yourself is going to make us swipe right?

16. Catcalling women in bio, mentioning “those wild, hair-coloured feminists should just stay away” just makes all women stay away.

17. Mentioning how they won’t be available here so the girl should follow them on their Instagram is just weird. Like, why are you on this app then? 

18. Do better than stating that you own a BMW or whatever expensive car and posting videos of you driving these. 

Read: Trying Out Dating Apps As An Old School Romantic In Your Mid-20s: I Tried, And Here’s How It Went

Manisha Agarwal, 35, Dancer and Entrepreneur

19. Put recent pictures. Not those from your early twenties, which are nothing like what you look like in your late thirties.

20. Your pictures should tell me more about your personality. Not all of them have to be about one thing, mix things up, and keep them varied. One could be of a cafe, one of travelling, one of doing an activity you enjoy and so on.

21. Your prompts should reflect your intelligence and wit. One-word answers, for example replying “Food” to “What can’t you live without?” doesn’t work. 

22. Pop culture references are a plus! 

23. Don’t have too many instructions for me in your bio. “Don’t disappear after matching” or “Hope you can reply quickly” feels like you’re trying to make me do too much when I haven’t even swiped right. 

Bonus tips from the author:

24. It’s a good idea to specify what dating headspace you’re in: Casual flings, going with the flow, looking for something meaningful or just looking to make friends. It saves all parties time and energy.

25. The gender ratio is unfortunately skewed in favour of women on these apps. Be fun and creative. Put in some effort. “Bad at writing bios, swipe right to know more” or “New here” is just not enough. 

Now, the bit everyone is confused about: Pets. 

Pets are one of the most common things written about or shown on profiles. And they’re all cute, guaranteed, regardless of how the rest of the profile is! 

However, women were largely conflicted about this. 

While Asmita feels “Please don't use your/your friends' dogs as props to get into my pants” Sanjana felt otherwise, and said, “Pictures with doggos are a plus.” Manisha, the dancer, said “Dogs are great, but as long as they’re your own. Don’t borrow a friend’s pet just to make your profile attractive.”