Perils & Ethics Of ChatGPT In Dating: I Tried It So You Don’t Have To

A natural question that comes up is the ethics of it all, when one uses AI in personal human interactions. Does it make one seem smarter than they are, thus leading to a delusionary idea of who they actually are?

I reached out to Debarka Sengupta, an AI expert based out of New Delhi for his inputs, given that he has a lot more experience of delving into the depths of everything that AI can and will do for human beings. Sengupta is the Associate Professor, Centre for Artificial intelligence, IIIT Delhi.

He begins with a broader ethics question, “The way ChatGPT is created is perhaps not very ethical, because it is trained on data from the web. These are works by other content creators, humans, who’ve created their own content and ChatGPT uses them to learn, without often taking their consent.”

However when it comes to human interactions, he looked at it from two different lenses. “Human interactions are going to be slightly altered, and not very ethical. For example, if my English is not good, I can pretend that my English is great by copy pasting from ChatGPT. So you make a false impression,” he said.

However, he adds, that this isn’t something very new. Grammarly and other summarisation softwares, which aren’t as robust, have been doing the same for ages now. “You cannot stop technological breakthroughs, because if it has happened, it has to be adapted into our lives. We have to be much more careful, as these tools are going to be extremely prevalent,” he added.

He also said that if someone is using it to make their presentation superior, these tools also become good teachers, and over a period of time of usage, someone’s English or sentence formation will actually improve.

Tricky Human Interactions Done via ChatGPT

To dive deeper into the ethics of it all, I tried some imaginary conversations that need far more human nuance. These are actual messy emotional conversations and I wanted to see how it fares. I began with: Find a way to break up with a cheating partner.

“I've been feeling unsure about our relationship lately. I have reason to believe that you may be unfaithful to me, and that's something I cannot accept in a relationship. I hope you can understand that I need to end things between us.”

Umm…sure, it’s healthy, it’s sane and a mature answer, but where is the expected agony, rage, humiliation, or disappointment? If I want to break up with a cheating partner, will I be in the emotional capacity to really be so civilised and not for once voice how much trauma I’ve been through? Would I be able to disregard the unfairness of it all while breaking up? Unlikely.

I try many other permutations and combinations of how ChatGPT would fare if I had to use it in modern day dating.

Would it make me seem smart, genuine, and kind? Yes, it fares well on those fronts. Not a single attempt to be rude, condoning of unkindness.

Imperfect in an Attempt to be Perfect

What the AI essentially does, in my experience, is act like us on our best behaviour. Carefully thought out sentences, sensible, empathetic, and peppered with an overarching need to be compassionate and understanding. It’s perfect for those initial days, where you’re trying to get to know someone and want to put on your best face possible. Hobbies, favourite haunts, intellectual remarks on art and films and interesting takes on world affairs are often made more insightful and better constructed by the AI.

But what makes a human being human after that? Their own quirks.

Everyone has their own small things that set them apart, and make them who they are. How do they express love? How do they resolve conflict? How do they extend an olive branch after fights? How do they comfort a loved one in their own way? What about bad days when their real self shows up with all its big feelings, overthinking and emotions? The vulnerable bits.

The parts only a select few in our circles get to witness, the parts which we show several dates later to prospective partners. The feelings that can’t be clubbed in a box, the ones that we feel just nobody else seems to get. No AI in the world could possibly encapsulate what you’re thinking or feeling then, and those are the bits that build or break our core relationships.

Love languages today have evolved too. Some send songs, some send memes, some send food and some show up at people’s doors with a bear hug. These are all uniquely personal and often our most favourite bits about a partner. Those, unfortunately, are impossible for an AI to recreate.

The Pitfalls

The pitfalls of AI in dating, is basically catfishing on steroids.

We’ll deal with the shock of finding out someone isn’t too smart, someone’s English and sentence construction actually being poor and maybe even someone’s emotional depth being lesser, if it gets to that.

If we also move away from whether or not AI can replace our own human-ness, it also treads the path of unethical behaviour regardless. Whether it’s an opening line, a witty reply in the initial conversation or something more serious, how is your partner likely to react if and when they find out that those messages are written by an AI? It’s likely they’ll feel unimpressed, or even angry that while they assumed a human at the other end, it was indeed a chatbot.

Like many other articles, I found myself struggling to find the perfect ending to this one. So I did the next obvious thing, ask ChatGPT for an “ending to an article on using AI chatbots for dating.”

It summed up my thoughts scarily well: In conclusion, chatbots have the potential to revolutionise the dating industry by providing a convenient and efficient way for people to connect with each other. However, it's important to remember that they are not a replacement for human interaction and relationships. The key to successful dating, whether through a chatbot or in person, is to be open, honest, and true to yourself.

Mildly patronising, but works.