If you’ve gotten married and haven’t changed your surname then are you even married? I was recently asked this question whilst getting my Voter ID updated. This isn’t the first time that a stranger has felt the need to analyze my surname choices in life. The passport officer needed a marriage certificate to authenticate my decade long relationship. The bank executive laughed and asked me if I were the ‘feminist’ type.
So why didn’t I take his surname? I just never felt the need! Would it have changed the person that I am? It might have…or not. I think the question isn’t why didn’t I and more why do I need to? I find myself in a situation where I know that I and many women of my age have bypassed the teaching imparted to the generation of women before us. The subservient women who relied on their husbands for everything, we are not. Then who exactly are we?
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We are women who might get offended at the husband-wife sexist jokes, who do an eye roll every time a relative asks about the arrival of baby no. 2, who try so hard to manage everything and everyone and take a 5 minute silent crying break in the bathroom. This is a rant piece. It’s a realistic picture of what the ‘high achieving’, ‘got it all together’, ‘supermom’ woman goes through on a daily basis. Sometimes I wonder if life and people would have been kinder to me had I embodied the ‘main tulsi tere aangan ki’ personality. I know I would have never made it to the trophy wife category…not with the size 16 body and opinions. Both of which I have tireless worked on, but they just don’t budge. So here I am, struggling to make it through the day at times, putting my ideas on the back burner for a more appropriate time…a time when I will be able to prioritize myself. Hang on! WHAT?
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‘What are you waiting for?’ asks a little voice inside my head and I shut it down. You know…there are things to be done, kids to be nurtured, presentations to be made, corporate ladders to climb, homes to be maintained, birthday parties, school pickups, glittery dresses, homemade chicken biryani. Argh! Excuses, excuses, excuses. Is my lack of drive a product of my 90’s upbringing? I think so. My mother used to call my personality a cross between Janet Jackson and Geeta Dutt. I laughed at it then but I see what she means now. It’s a talent though, walking a tight rope and keeping your sanity. So I think it’s okay to ask for support, to go to the spa, shop or just bawl. We’re all doing the best that we can and as my daughter says ‘I can do it on my own but I would like some help.’
About Author - Nidhi Verma, Media Professional
Nidhi Verma works for a media organisation, when not working she spends time with her daughter and dreams about food vacations across the globe.
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